I wanted to read books written by African writers, more specifically, Nigerian (yes I am biased - sue me) as I felt their stories would bear some type of similarity to the experiences I have had. I read Swing Time in February and although it was nice and resonated with me, it was more of a diasporic view. It was really good and related to my experiences as a young black brit but first and foremost I’m Nigerian before anything else. Anyway, this isn’t about Swing Time so let’s move along
Stay With Me is about a young middle class couple (Yejide and Akin) who struggled to have a child but couldn’t and when their miracle finally happened, it comes with other things and at a cost (plus a hefty tax). Ayòbámi takes us through a huge wave of emotions and explored lots of themes which constantly challenges the reader’s expectations resulting in you having your head buried in the book. She exposes us to traditions, politics and ways of a typical young married Nigerian couple. We are shown how vital having a child is perceived to be amongst Yorubas and how it can push wives to become so desperate they would bend over backwards to bring forth a child. We are shown the extent of Yejide’s desperation when she breastfed a goat and danced whilst rocking it as though it was her newborn. All this just so she can conceive and please her in-laws. So desperate she became deluded (read the book to find out how!) See Yejide not having a child is even more sad and tragic given her mother died during her childbirth and she had been labelled bad omen by her stepmothers. Despite her efforts, Akin was still coerced into having a second wife (because patriarchy) who would be able to bear children. No love or anything required, just let this woman bear your fruit. #BeFruitfulAndMultiply Yejide finally becomes pregnant but it isn’t exactly what she had hoped for and this has a ripple effect on their lives as a couple. It seems our girl just can’t catch a break! She later finds out her husband has been lying to her but she’s also been lying to him, she resents him, he doesn’t trust her but she still carries out her wife duties — serves him breakfast but with a dash of spite, being polite with the inlaws, etc. So we know Akin is definitely a “don’t wife her if she cannot cook” guy. It’s easy for us to root for this character as it seems she just want to be mother and be called moomi. THOUGHTS: I love how this book shows the patriarchy faced in African societies - Akin was never blamed for not being able to conceive, all the pressure was on his poor wife and she had to make all the effort to ‘fix’ everything. Akin was the perfect husband despite committing atrocious/abominable acts (with no repercussions, of course!), he was still the head of the house and had to be respected as such. It also shows how draining the pressure from family and friends to have a child can be; Yejide, a lady who has longed to have a child since she was a child, was already beating herself up about this and their unsolicited fixation on this issue did not help. It touches a bit on how important on it to have a group of girlfriends who are certified gang. People you can rely on, who you can share with without feeling ashamed or embarrassed which is always a good thing because society judges us enough, does not give us the grace of being carefree and really just existing as mere human beings. It shows how heartbreak can turn you into a shadow of yourself, cause you to completely lose yourself, make you question everything and trick you into believing you don’t deserve good things. I really hope I have done Stay With Me justice with this summary because it is such beautiful book and honestly so far the best book I have read this year.
1 Comment
Pris
17/10/2018 11:39:05
I dont remember ever reading a Nigerian novel but this is book just seems so real! Tackling a big issue is west Africa. We always hear of mother-in-laws tormenting their son's wife when she doesnt have a child or worse...if she doesnt have a male child. This same pressure to bear children by a certain time doesnt seem to be apparent in western cultures, i wonder why?
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
About meHello, I'm Ayo and welcome to my soon to be exciting world! Join me as I go through life's ups and downs which leads to me learning more about life and myself. Archives
December 2020
|