I wanted to read books written by African writers, more specifically, Nigerian (yes I am biased - sue me) as I felt their stories would bear some type of similarity to the experiences I have had. I read Swing Time in February and although it was nice and resonated with me, it was more of a diasporic view. It was really good and related to my experiences as a young black brit but first and foremost I’m Nigerian before anything else. Anyway, this isn’t about Swing Time so let’s move along
Stay With Me is about a young middle class couple (Yejide and Akin) who struggled to have a child but couldn’t and when their miracle finally happened, it comes with other things and at a cost (plus a hefty tax). Ayòbámi takes us through a huge wave of emotions and explored lots of themes which constantly challenges the reader’s expectations resulting in you having your head buried in the book. She exposes us to traditions, politics and ways of a typical young married Nigerian couple. We are shown how vital having a child is perceived to be amongst Yorubas and how it can push wives to become so desperate they would bend over backwards to bring forth a child. We are shown the extent of Yejide’s desperation when she breastfed a goat and danced whilst rocking it as though it was her newborn. All this just so she can conceive and please her in-laws. So desperate she became deluded (read the book to find out how!) See Yejide not having a child is even more sad and tragic given her mother died during her childbirth and she had been labelled bad omen by her stepmothers. Despite her efforts, Akin was still coerced into having a second wife (because patriarchy) who would be able to bear children. No love or anything required, just let this woman bear your fruit. #BeFruitfulAndMultiply Yejide finally becomes pregnant but it isn’t exactly what she had hoped for and this has a ripple effect on their lives as a couple. It seems our girl just can’t catch a break! She later finds out her husband has been lying to her but she’s also been lying to him, she resents him, he doesn’t trust her but she still carries out her wife duties — serves him breakfast but with a dash of spite, being polite with the inlaws, etc. So we know Akin is definitely a “don’t wife her if she cannot cook” guy. It’s easy for us to root for this character as it seems she just want to be mother and be called moomi. THOUGHTS: I love how this book shows the patriarchy faced in African societies - Akin was never blamed for not being able to conceive, all the pressure was on his poor wife and she had to make all the effort to ‘fix’ everything. Akin was the perfect husband despite committing atrocious/abominable acts (with no repercussions, of course!), he was still the head of the house and had to be respected as such. It also shows how draining the pressure from family and friends to have a child can be; Yejide, a lady who has longed to have a child since she was a child, was already beating herself up about this and their unsolicited fixation on this issue did not help. It touches a bit on how important on it to have a group of girlfriends who are certified gang. People you can rely on, who you can share with without feeling ashamed or embarrassed which is always a good thing because society judges us enough, does not give us the grace of being carefree and really just existing as mere human beings. It shows how heartbreak can turn you into a shadow of yourself, cause you to completely lose yourself, make you question everything and trick you into believing you don’t deserve good things. I really hope I have done Stay With Me justice with this summary because it is such beautiful book and honestly so far the best book I have read this year.
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I turned 20 and I made it into more of a deal than the average person, in typical Ayo fashion. So I got this yearning for some insight into this new chapter of my life. Breaking news - nothing has magically changed.
The title seems like a self help cliché but I wouldn’t class it as a self help book, it’s more of a everyone-else-is-experiencing-the-same-shit-as-you-so-let’s-all-laugh-about-it book.
Each ‘secret’ is a chapter and is short and concise - straight to the point which made it such an easy read. I felt it had the familiarity of reading a blogpost rather than a rigid structured book which I appreciated. The chapters are honestly very insightful and some help you discern things you are struggling with or believe you are doing wrong. Some of the secrets are basic common sense - nudges to do and reminders of what you already know but collectively somehow it works and it doesn’t feel repetitive or like a broken record.
Although it’s primarily for and marketed to 20-somethings, I feel you will still be able to relate if you feel your life is going all the way left whilst you are heading right.
I think this book is very apt for 20-somethings as generally we don’t go through major challenges/life changing choices since we are all in an education bubble, going through the same generic life routines and the process with some sort of idea of where we are headed, then BAM! It all disappears - the bubble bursts and we have to start fending for ourselves with no guide to adulting. It’s one thing hearing people complaining about adulting and a totally different thing being on the other side and complaining about it too. The grass isn’t (really) greener on this side, kids!
It also talks a bit about the importance of faith, hope and believing in God and I think it’s great Paul incorporated this aspect of his life tin the book. I am aware that not everyone believes in God but this is however Paul’s journey and the secrets he feels are important enough to share with the world and if faith is one of those who are we to question his decision that he made in his book? I don’t think this aspect takes away from the book or the book excludes people that don’t have a particular faith as there are 90+ other tidbits you can relate to, the beauty of this book is that you don’t have to read it in linear format and can skip chapters.
#68
There were a few points pertaining to working full time, being a young couple, becoming a parent and other adult shenanigans I couldn’t relate to right now so I’ll definitely be reading this again when I’m faced with those scenarios. It’ll be interesting to see how my views have changed by then and how much more relatable the book becomes.
I don’t think I mentioned it but it’s also a funny book; being with your friends and laughing at lame jokes and trivial things type of funny !
The most important secret? We are literally have the same struggles (give or take)! We should talk more about our difficult experiences with each other and not try to create this illusion that we’ve got it all figured out. Most of us are a mess and that’s ok. What’s also more than ok? Telling you friends this because it can get very lonely in this streets.
I don't think I’ve ever been as shocked reading as I was reading this!
First of all, I was taken back a little when I flicked through the pages when it arrived to find every sentence I read was either a rude remark or just offensive. I purchased this thinking it’ll be an empowering book about how we all can win as women and how to tolerate less and less bullshit from this white supremacist, capitalist patriarchy society (the tea from Tea with Queen & Jay) and my dreams were crushed in the first flick through? Obviously I wasn’t going to have this, so I did what any normal human would do — went on Twitter to see what others thought of it. All I saw were positive comments and how it is a very good book, this was the seal of approval I needed to read the book in its entirety. THOUGHTS: I would just like to declare first of all that this is a very very light hearted book you shouldn’t take seriously in any manner. I read the book as Paris Hilton because it seemed so apt! Honestly, if The Simple Life was made into a book, this would be it! I found it just as offensive as the first couple of sentences I read earlier — it is however a satire and I found myself nodding along to some of the insanely ludicrous statements. These statements clearly show how the standards set for women are absurd and almost comical (it is infact comical and that’s what makes this book so good); it basically agrees with every standard society sets for women (for example, the writers, The Betches, aspired to marriage and marriage being an end goal was referenced throughout the book) The sarcasm in this book is impeccable! It’s entertaining as you see certain standards society forces down your throat because you have a vagina. It almost displays the misogyny we are conditioned to and lays it down in the open so you can comprehend how pathetic it all is. The satirical nature of it is reflected in the chapter titles as well: -Birth Control - Manipulating your period as if it were a man -How to apply for a job like you give a shit I would admit there were some sections the sarcasm was so much it wasn’t funny anymore and just felt quite ignorant. For example, “advice”/ principles in the love and sex portion seemed so backwards because it was just too much - for me at least. "While men are allowed to approach sex mindlessly and are praised for the amount of meaningless sex they have, women are left to think that giving in to their sexual desires without question will leave them pathetic, alone and with the reputation of the village bicycle. Sad as we are to admit it, people who idolise Tucker Max and Charlie Sheen are correct about this double standard” .
Reading this seems witty but imagine reading fifty variations of this back to back.
Erm, no. PERSONAL PROBLEMS WITH BOOK: These are several notions in the book I struggle to understand and several ideas that just scream problematic to me. The idea that you have to be rich, skinny and hot at all cost storyline is very problematic and can actually prevent you from enjoying the gift of beautiful well thought out sarcasm it has to offer (although I think it’s a play on how society shapes us to believe we all have to be skinny and hot. Also, not to forget to be rich while you’re at it). Also, the encouragement to just be an alcoholic and do drugs 24/7 is a big no. I like a couple of cocktails and several cheeky glasses of wine but this advice to be black-out drunk everyday? No bueno. How does that even make you “win at basically everything” Would I read this again? I would definitely read parts of the book again and refer back to it but not a page to page read.
SUMMARY:
This book is advertised as a psychological thriller which I think is appropriate. The narrator is a woman named Grace who lost her long-lost childhood best friend , Charlie, in a bizarre manner and as a result began to suffer from grief which she is no stranger to (no spoilers). This grief I presume made her accommodate Charlie’s sister whom she didn’t even know existed and the events in her life take dramatic turn after this kind gesture. THOUGHTS: The Sister is different to what I’ve been reading this year (so far I’ve read The Handmaid’s Tale and Swing Time) as there isn’t any mention of cultural references or correlation to history. It is purely fictional which I found to be refreshing; you don't always have to read a book about race or history or how to be a better human being (i.e. thought provoking books) sometimes whip out that good ol’ feel-good fiction! It was an easy read and was definitely gripping at certain points with a very good use of suspense. However, I felt it started to get very lacklustre and predictable towards the end and I did not like that. Even though, Grace is a twenty-five year old woman, the book and her actions are very much child-like there were certain points I thought “really babes? You’re actually going to do this?” Maybe it’s the Nigerian in me or the fact that the story line bears resemblance to a Nollywood movie plot but I found myself rolling my eyes at some decisions she made and some the relationship dynamics in the book. Although, I have to admit there where certain turns during the story that came as a complete and utter shock which added more suspense and elaborated the story but the ending I found to have been too predictable. All in all this was a good read that can be enjoyed by all ages but it’s not becoming my new favourite book. If you want a similar read with a bit more depth and less predictability, I would suggest reading The Luckiest Girl Alive. If you’ve read this, I would love to know what you think! Did you also find it way too predictable or is it just me? I’ve been doing a little reflecting as I usually do and I realised how much significant things I have picked up on this year; just taken in how much has happened from January till now and I’m just going to say 2017 has been one hell of a rollercoaster for me. I have some things I’ve sort of implemented this year and would love to continue with tomorrow i.e. NEXT YEAR PEOPLEEEE
Has this resonated with you or is there any you are completely not here for? It’ll be nice to know what you are taking from this year too and also what world event/news really stood out to you. Mine would have to be the Libya slave trade and Grenfell Tower fire. Hope 2018 surpasses our expectations and we all get closer to/meet our goals. I really didn’t know where to fit this in but can we address the fact that Brexit really happened so we are basically fucked and Donald Trump is still in the White House??? |
About meHello, I'm Ayo and welcome to my soon to be exciting world! Join me as I go through life's ups and downs which leads to me learning more about life and myself. Archives
December 2020
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