Hello, future me.
I have no idea why I feel I need to be extremely polite and cautious when addressing you but hey. I want to be excited for you but I don’t know how to be I don’t know how I currently manage to be positive and happy and that terrifies me because I have no idea how to make sure you’re super happy and positive :( It’s difficult because we’ve been through a whole fucking lot so it’s kind of like which way are we headed? Is life gonna surprise us once again and turn everything upside down because we know how much it loves doing that. Just when we start to get comfortable and figure things out it’s like “sike, bitch you really thought. So I don’t know how to feel about you…. It’s difficult because I know I can easily slip into a downwards spiral and that would be bad for you but I don’t know how to be certain not to? I want you to be happy and I see you being happy but I don’t know how I can ensure you are. Am I overthinking because it seems too good to be true right now? Definitely. Maybe I just need to accept I’m a happy person now and I have the tools to deal with whatever happens and I won’t be derailed. I mean April was a shitshow and I managed it, I even sometimes forget that it happened so maybe you’ll be fine? It’s just a lot of pressure right now to make sure you’re okay because we’ve been through a lot and have worked extremely hard to get here. Anyway you’re probably thinking I’m so dumb right now because you have all the answers and I’m just stressing out for no reason. So I‘ll just wait for you to come to me with all the answers. :) Love you baby girl and hope I look like a total fool because I was stressing out for no damn reason
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About meHello, I'm Ayo and welcome to my soon to be exciting world! Join me as I go through life's ups and downs which leads to me learning more about life and myself. Archives
December 2020
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